for the love of blogging…

Their stage was positioned fronting the center open space of the red brick-floored Metrowalk. It was a Saturday, 09 February. When I stepped out of the cab, I had seen cops in their blue-striped uniforms roaming around, so I wondered what the hell are they doing there. Maybe there was a commotion that they had to address that night, but I didn’t think so. The lives of the people there, all the gimmick venues are out and busy serving their clients, it was a typical Saturday night ideally, but I just can’t seem to figure out why those cops were there.

As I moved towards one of the restaurants in the area, their stage greeted me with even more questions than answers.

Their backdrop poster reads “Mamang Pulis”.

“They’re having a gig?….Here?” I started asking myself completely startled by what I was seeing.

So I proceeded to the restaurant, met my public [yes my public, the other two kalbo dudes], grabbed me a chilled San Mig Lite and puffed a cig. I must say their drummer, the keyboard player, and their guitarist are all equipped to play the instruments quite nicely. The vocalist on the other hand, seemed to have forgotten that he was singing in front of uhm - a couple of his fellow cops [for his support system I think…].

I guess he must have felt as if he was in a videoke bar. White monoblock chairs were arranged in front of the stage, 10 or more rows as I can recall, and about four of five of it were accommodated – by a couple of their fellow cops [as usual….] The rest were empty.

So the guys were belting out some songs, the others unfamiliar, until they performed Oye Como Va. “Ooops, what are they singing?” Being a spectator, I kind of thought they were completely out of place, performing songs to a crowd of thirty something yuppies.

That song could have been perfect when played inside Capisce Restaurant, since most of their clienteles are somewhat middle aged “sosyal” crowd, but Metrowalk? It really sounded off, not matched to the Metro crowd. Sure I know the song and all, but that’s part of my being familiar with the tune. But on a Saturday gig, with a nicely chilled San Mig Light, I think I’d like to hear the Bonnie Baileys and Moony songs and those outstanding Benny Bennassi mixes, the very cool 80s 12’’ mixes, BUT NOT THE 1960S tunes for Mikey’s sake…

We just ended up consuming one bucket from Chicken Bacolod, and after that, I told my pals that it’ll be better for us to just move on and head somewhere else where there are no cops performing, singing Oye Como Va. That really spoiled my Saturday Night Club.

I could have applauded them if their primary motivation was to present the whole new police force to public in a different light, being approachable and nice and what-have-you [which I think they’ve been doing for God knows when], perhaps they could have acquired my support for their efforts, but hey, aren’t they supposed to be in the precincts doing police reports and keeping track of the criminals everywhere? Or was it done because of how bad the PNP was put into limelight because of the ZTE deal?

I am certainly guilty for being mean to these guys for their wanting to alter the way we taxpayers look at them and how they execute their work, but I guess their efforts are far from being accepted as a standard to package themselves as credible law enforcers and guardians of peace…

…or are they?

It is some sort of a seasonal thing for me to really get hooked up in a single song, among the almost 8,000 variations of sounds in my iPod.

At one point, I listened to Steve Winwood’s Valerie about 1,000+ times, based on the play count field in my iPod. Then it was followed by Merrily Webber’s sad sad song entitled It’s Time To Say I Love You. It registered almost 900 times.

Since last week, and since I got the Nokia E90 phone, with its huge huge memory capacity, I uploaded some of my favorite songs. It included Abba’s My Love, My Life, Alanis Morissette’s Hands Clean, and Elton John’s Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.

While creating this article, my earphone is blasting Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, and so far, it is registering at 715 times, and not stopping. Because of how creative the lyrics were constructed, and the way the melody was executed, it suddenly got me curious as to what the song really meant. I haven’t really done this before, because for most of the songs that I listen to, their messages can easily be deciphered without much effort or assistance from websites. It could be attributed to the common terminologies used by song writers, or the way the lyrics was arranged, so that it is easy for the listeners to understand the message it is trying to imply. But this song of Elton John made me really do some researching, and forced me to Google any site that will best translate the song into some sort of layman’s language.

And so far, it is registering at 480 times, and not stopping. Because of how creative the lyrics were constructed, and the way the melody was executed, it suddenly got me curious as to what the song really meant. I haven’t really done this before, because for most of the songs that I listen to, their messages can easily be deciphered without much effort or assistance from websites. It could be attributed to the common terminologies used by song writers, or the way the lyrics was arranged, so that it is easy for the listeners to understand the message it is trying to imply. But this song of Elton John made me really do some researching, and forced me to Google any site that will best translate the song into some sort of layman’s language. Successfully enough, I found some sites that allowed online users to generate comments on lyrics that were posted.

I read in one of the posts that the song was about a country boy who had a girlfriend used to living the city life. So the boy ended up close to being trapped in the humdrum of high society living, which he was not accustomed to. And it was as if he was already being owned by his girl, and eventually was enslaved by the madness of living in a fast-paced city. Being torn with maintaining the relationship, and the uncomfortable situations the city provided him, he simply opted to live the simple life he once had, leaving the girl behind.

Another interpretation stated that it was about a very talented person who was sucked in by the music industry’s system, being fully utilized for the selfishness of huge recording companies, using the musicians for their own benefits.

For my two cents worth, it could have simply meant that we do not really own what we have in this world. That when we choose to enjoy our lives by means of having excessive materialistic desires, we have the tendency to be enslaved by it, until eventually we will just resort to the simplicity of living that affords us solace in every silent moment we can get ourselves into.

This may be a general premise, and can be found even on the new songs we hear today, but the way it was crafted for Elton John to perform, and the melodies that were put in its arrangement; this makes the song ultimately a very classic and sensible one. Something that leaves the legacy of the composer and the arranger for the new generation to listen to.

Currently, this song is my message alert tone. And every time a text message comes in, I have the tendency to just let it finish and audibly analyze the strings, the sounds of the piano, and the high pitched tone of the background voices of singers that doesn’t stop to amaze me. How every bit of instrument perfectly suited their positions in the entirety of the music duration, just makes me truly appreciate what a talent it is to be able to compose such pleasantly sounding music. 

"When are you gonna come down/ When are you going to land/ I should have stayed on the farm/ I should have listened to my old man/ You know you can’t hold me forever/ I didn’t sign up with you/ I’m not a present for your friends to open/ This boy’s too young to be singing the blues/ So goodbye yellow brick road/ Where the dogs of society howl/ You can’t plant me in your penthouse/ I’m going back to my plough/ Back to the howling old owl in the woods/ Hunting the horny back toad/ Oh I’ve finally decided my future lies/ Beyond the yellow brick road/ What do you think you’ll do then/ I bet that’ll shoot down your plane/ It’ll take you a couple of vodka and tonics/ To set you on your feet again/ Maybe you’ll get a replacement/ There’s plenty like me to be found/ Mongrels who ain’t got a penny
Sniffing for tidbits like you on the ground/ So goodbye yellow brick road/ Where the dogs of society howl/ You can’t plant me in your penthouse/ I’m going back to my plough/ Back to the howling old owl in the woods/ Hunting the horny back toad/ Oh I’ve finally decided my future lies/ Beyond the yellow brick road/

It has been in my system to manifest silence whenever I am caught in an awkward disposition. And that awkward disposition almost always leads me to mental images that thwart my ability to express myself verbally.

Searching for the appropriate words to say to initiate a conversation, is always a struggle on my part – a struggle anchored onto a fear that something wrong might be said in between, which consequently may further aggravate the awkwardness of the situation I am in.

Darn with the male ego that inhibits me from restoring what used to be a very casual situation – now turning into an uncomfortable silence that is deafening it alienates my being. What used to be an easy style of conversing, now turns out to require so much effort that it gets to be a bit heavy on the heart even with the thought of asking a minute work-related matter. To anticipate the kind of reaction I will get during this state is as close to saying as I should be prepared for some humiliating circumstance – for not having the pleasing reaction in return. Again, anchored on fear.

What used to be a comfortable silence that existed in between, now acquired its authority to impose restrain even in the smallest act of initiating a simple “o…musta na?” It really didn’t take much of an effort before I went on a nice vacation…but the occurrence of an incident seemed to have successfully fed Silence its power over us. All of a sudden I found myself disabled and feeling pathetic – wanting to seek the cause of such discomfort.

I was trying to understand the things that I “unconsciously” did [or have shown], that could have triggered this situation. One colleague told me it was the disappointed look in my face that started it. In fact I think the more appropriate adjective to describe it was “the displeased look.” And upon learning this, I even tried to justify why I was bearing that appearance, if it served its purpose that instance. Well apparently, it blew the whole situation out of hand, and neither of us seems to know now how exactly this should be managed.

I was reading a powerpoint presentation that deals with emotional intelligence. And Silence instigated that I have a copy of it – for my own good probably…

I feel gullible now while bearing this emotional ignorance. Depositing a definition even in the simplest of actions that is supposed to mean nothing, and for the lack of adequate faculty to perceive things from a rational standpoint, I remain oblivious…

I would like to assume that most of you have successfully populated this slot with adjectives that bescribes your aspects of personality not commonly known to most of your friends. The familiar mood swings, the apparent likings toward something, and the pet peeves that you tend to show may very well be one among distinctive moments you share with your very close friends.

When you look at mine, it hardly describes generic or specific traits known by the two hundred or so friends that I have on this virtual space. But rather, it speaks of an unknown desire that is emanating from a childhood memory woven during my early years.

That when I hear those words, it invokes a very very sad emotion, shifting into an uplifting and liberating feeling that’s coming from within, that even I, sometimes cannot understand.

I look up to the very person who thought of its wordings, that she was so successful I am able to decipher deeply, the kind of sadness it relayed on the movie. I look up to the person with the brilliant mind who perfectly matched it with a tune that lulls your spirit in sadness, but lifts it up with that sense of freedom as the song approaches its ending. It gives you some sort of promise so endearing, that with all the trials you have to endure, hearing it will ease you of the troubles bothering you.

It induces a kind of vivid imagination much like when you are surrounded by daffodils, and the feeling is so exhilirating, sadness is actually the gateway to a very peaceful and liberating emotional experience there is to savor.

I just feel it was made solely for me, that on my last day on earth, it will be the only song you will hear, as I depart from this earthly bondage.

Once, twice, even a thousand times, it imposes the same sadness shifting into success, everytime I repeat it in my head…

transcript of interesting thoughts flaming hot right off the phone…
And so it goes…

She said: I love you 1^st beneath the sheet of
papers, anung song yun? Hanapan mo ko nun….

He said: nyarks, san mo nakuha yun? Anu ung ibang lyrix?

she said: narinig ko sa pbb…parang norah jones type yung
dating ng melody nya eh

He said: txt m k bkas. Tandaan mo yung lyrix, I-google ko.

she said: san na kayo? Nu gawa nyo?

He said: d2 magnet café sa katipunan nag o orgy haha

she said: adik ka ha…hmmmmph baka 22hanin mo yan hay naku
kadiri….

He said: e anu ba
kasi gnagawa sa bar? E di umiinom, yosi, nakatanga

she said: kayo 3? Pag ganyan ba naiisip mo ko and u wish na

sana kasama ako?

He said: cnu nagsabi saung 3 lng kami? Anim…kasama mga opismeyts ni [friend's name]

she said: naiisip mo ba ako pag hindi ako kasama sa gimik
mo? 

He said: nde…I dnt have control of what 2 think at moments
like this…sumtyms I do…pero kung ikaw kc ganun…ako nde…

she said: alam mo ang tapang mo and ang yabang mo pagdating
sakin…u have this way of really making me feel na insignificant ako na
ordinaryong tao lang ako sayo

He said: bat naman kasi kelangan mo mag-isip ng ganyan. Does
it mean na pag mas showy ka or emotionally fine tuned ka you expect your
partner to be n the same disposition? Cnabihan mo pa akong mayabang…you asked a
question, I answered simply….sorry kung ganyan naka kahon talaga ang thinking
mo….

she said: hindi ako nakakahon, u just really haven’t learned
the art of handling women, specifically for your partner…

He said: oh so you’re putting timeline now as regards my
learning curve? Wow thanks ha that is very encouraging for someone who tries to
make significant changes in his life…u’re giving me the impression now that my
change for 3 yrs is anything but pleasing…

she said: timeline? Did I say anything about it, I just said
so haven’t learned about it…bat kailangan mo isumbat sa akin ang 3 years? I
didn’t say anything na walang impact yung mga changes mo…

He said: you said yourself I haven’t learned the art of
handling women. That is subliminally indicative of a time frame when analyzed.
At ndi ko isusumbat sayo kahit kailanman ang 3 yrs. If it did you good, all the
more that it becomes beneficial for me. It’s just that sumtyms u end up really
searching for what you wanna have for the meantime vs. what you wanna have for
a long time.

she said: what I said was a statement bahala ka if you’ll
analyze it that way and wag mo kong gamitan ng mga English word na hindi ko
naiintindihan. I am impatient, very impatient but I guess in 3 years I have
proven and tried to adjust and accept kung anu yung kaya mu ibigay, I stopped
looking kung ano yung meron ako n d past and all I have asked from you is to
treat me 1 level higher than your friends dahil hindi mo ako kaibigan lang!

He said: [girl's name]…..you should know I love you beyond what you can
give me, and how I know you. But please give me enough reason everytime your insecurity would hit you and
try to make me see how I think of you being insignificant when I don’t. enough
of this. I’m drunk. U figure out your thoughts. I know what I’d like to have
and you are part of it. Plain and simple

she said: tawagan mo ko [with a smiley face na...] [biglang me ganun]

…wink wink…

i must’ve really gone out of my mind the moment i decided to literally take a hike and beat the crap out of myself for undergoing spinal surgery.

the insinuations and assurance that i got the first time i joined a mountaineering group for what they called a "fun climb", turned to be more than just a fun climb - it was soooo damn hard i nearly fainted the first 30 minutes of trekking, even if I was only carrying the bladder pack, a mere two liters of water.

My stamina was put to the test on the spot, right there at the highest peak in the province of Cavite - Pico De Loro.

Considered the executive climb [for me], I kinda loved the treatment that I had there. I had fun being a bossy arsehole, a major dictatorial thug trying to blacklist some pals who will deny me any assistance the moment I command them to give me something or hand me over some trail food haha!!!! It was so crazy some of them started calling me Don Miguel…nice!

Then came the second climb at Mt. Tarak, Bataan, I also decided it’s about time I give it  some really serious thinking. So I told a friend okay I’m coming, and I’m going to bring my own clothes, my own bladder pack, MY OWN BACK PACK! Say what? Yes, no help from the mountaineers…just me and the back pack which i borrowed from my flatmate.

We left Manila at 6 in the morning, boarded a Genesis bus at Pasay terminal and by 10am, we started hiking. The outcome? SPECTACULAR.

At this point, I am beginning to really be amazed with myself knowing that I can endure this much physical stress, even after undergoing spinal surgery. And when I look at how nice the pictures are, i believe it is all worth it.

That if I die because of complications of my
operation, because I did not follow my doctor’s advice not to do anything
stupid or physically strenuous, at least I will not regret not having been able
to go up the mountains because I chickened out at the thought of me hurting
myself.

At least I will
not regret not having been able to savor the chilly breeze at 2,188 meters
above sea level, traversing narrow trails, and seeing the clouds moving in
swift direction, as the sunrise starts to blaze right above us - it was almost close to
touching the heavens.

For the last quarter of 2006, I’ve been drinking like hell. Like three straight days getting drunk, or sometimes four days straight at the most. Especially last December when there’s plenty of holidays, and tons of reasons to be merry, and be involved in a"maboteng" usapan.

Then it dawned on me that I had spinal surgery last May. And from that point up to this date, I think I’ve gained weight quite fast. With all the drinking spree I’ve been getting myself into, I should really be worrying about beer bellies and being overweight. As it is, I am overweight by 30 lbs after the operation.

January 1st, the first step for me was to sport a new look. So I trooped to a salon, had my hair trimmed, and I am now a certified KALBO….well almost. I kinda like the way it looked on me. I look good, despite being obviously botchog because of the double chin. And my girl says i look hot…well I sound hot too….ALWAYS MURYOT…ahahahaha…

And then I got into some sort of a verbal arrangement that beginning this month, I will start losing weight. It’s a competition much like the Biggest Loser series on cable. So the deal is, whoever gets to shed off less pounds by June will treat the others in the game to a nice dinner at Chili’s by July. Yum, I got six months to get busy in the Ultra pool, do away with bags of chips during dinner, spare myself of carbos on evenings, and lessen the beer intake. Or maybe i’ll have "maboteng usapan" every Fridays na lang…

Anyhow, I should really be taking this seriously, especially that my back wound lately hurts when I bend over during jeep rides or whenever I bend forward.

My last drinking session with my public was awesome though. We were there at Elbow Room, and the deejay was busy with all the new wave stuff. So the three of us kalbo dudes were the only ones that seemed to be enjoying it. What the heck, at whatever parties you visit, the 80s sounds will always be played no matter what. It’s the 80s…the ultimate genre of quality and the best music ever recorded in the history of music-loving people…like me….

Rock on earthlings!!!

More than being in a family reunion during the Yuletide Season, my main point of conversation with God today was for Him to bless me with a forgiving heart if not within the next years of my life, at least before I take a rest for good.

Inasmuch as I was a victim of circumstance that put me on this not-so-good moment, I’m pretty sure they too, was part of the orchestrations of life, and would probably have never wished to be there.

As it is, I was partly blessed with it already say, a week before Christmas. Again, being in a circumstancial swing, I decided to just let it all loose and act like a real human. My mind was so keen in keeping up my defense mechanism, but my heart said IT IS TIME. So I acknowledged the signal from the high heavens and yes, it paid off quite amazingly.

I hugged my colleague after I got to the office and told her I got rid of my bad feelings toward another person in the office. I did this not in the spirit of Christmas [well partly], but because I thought now is the time to consider giving someone a second chance at striking at least an amiable treatment from me. Perhaps a good way to start being kind to someone who irritated you for a long time.

Two more, and I’ll say I’ll attain full swing for the best gift there is for me.

On a lighter note, since it’s the season of reunion, I was sitting outside the house, with cousins beside me, and it got me to thinking we never really get to have such moments together. None that I can recall of in fact. I haven’t been going home lately to my mom’s hometown, which, apart from being far, is also at the constant path of typhoons.

And then aunties and uncles started arriving too. So the house was filled with oldies and some of my generation, about a handful of us hehe. And of course the kids, the very people that makes Christmas so much fun and an event to look forward to next year. It’s always a treat for me during Christmas…

Call me selfish for not having suffered much when torrential rains drenched the entire city and decided to sweep the area of its rubbish and intoxicating pollution.

At one point last Thursday, around 7pm, I had to brave the streets of Bumatay soaked in murky waters almost knee level, with not a tiny light to afford me of the confidence as I make my way past it unharmed. I suddenly realized that the very street where I frequently pass by on sunny mornings, could be as deadly as those of the streets anywhere in Manila with uncovered manholes. Fear started to kick in with that thought and my heart pounded with so much fear that was almost secondary to a heart attack.

As it is, that same Thursday afternoon, I had no inkling that the weather could be so nasty I’d be witnessing for the first time just how powerful mother nature could be when it gets mad…..and I mean mad….

Along with the other ADIKS who decided to get their asses stuck at the office in the middle of nature upheaval, we shared quite a very unusual afternoon viewing the city as one sheet of metal roofing sweeps across our window view after the other, spinning wildly like a leaf gracefully falling to the ground during the autumn season.

Beef caldereta didn’t seem so appetizing that day, as I worried that anytime the glass walls might also crash into pieces because of a foreign object that could hit it. Good thing it didn’t last long, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to do this online now as the powerlines could still be finding its way back into the city.

The following day, an announcement was made past ten in the morning cancelling work. So my colleagues decided to go to a mall, and literally chill a bit. As we travel from the office to the mall, I felt the air I was breathing was somehow pure, free of all the pollutants and smog.

It felt good. I have never been so satisfied in the city as I was that day, although devastation was still there staring straight into our faces. Huge trees uprooted, subdivision walls torn down, and the weather? It was rather perfect for hanging out and relaxing. The breeze brings chill into the skin, and to me, it was tantamount to an unspoken joy that I simply haven’t experienced in my entire city life.

Then I went home to my folks’ place Sunday morning, the sun was up shining brightly, and as usual, I had another satisfying round of a breezy afternoon. The huge patch of grass land behind our house offered an enticing moment of contemplation, that I practically mesmerized every second I was there staring at the window, looking at the nieghboring quiet street, observing the vivid colors of greens after a heavy downpour. 

It made me long for the moment when I would come home on a weekend, see my family and just spend lazy afternoons there.

It got me re-energized, and made me see things in a way that after having gone through such tribulations, whether literally or figuratively speaking, life would surely bloom next, and joy would kick in after being able to survive the challenges.

I loved the moment that came after the torrential rains. I loved the smell of air within the city after being drenched so heavily two days ago. I love the fact that I am so much alive now, being able to enjoy all these, and being able to satisfy myself at the simplest of things there is in this life.

I would normally frequent this one mall here that is not so big you could practically tour it in less than one hour. Anyways, I suddenly found myself so darn addicted with A&W, particularly their vanilla milk shake.

It was so addictive I’ve been having it for lunch for the last three or four days already. And that fast food chain just can’t seem to fail me with the satisfaction I am getting everytime I start sipping on that nice soft ice cream slowly melting in vanilla shake.

And for the last three or four days, I have been a mall rat doing nothing but roam around, look for earphones for my ipod, and then go back to A&W again to score another vanilla milk shake.

The last time I remembered seeing A&W branch was there at Ever Grand Central in Monumento which was like, fifteen or so years ago. Now it makes me wonder if there are surviving branches of this food chain somewhere else. I haven’t spotted one in Mall of Asia so far.

McDonald’s vanilla milk shake can’t even come close to providing that heaven I’m experiencing whenever I get to take out a full large sized cup of that A&W milk shake haha.

I’d be checking out another mall in awhile, this one’s got a parking slot exclusively dedicated for Harley’s eh.